T.I.I

To whom it may concern,

The c button on this key board doesn't really work. My fingers also don't really work. In fact there are many parts of me that don't really work now. Welcome to India (one week later).

Yesterday, we were 3 on a scooter. One with her butt hanging off the seat. Bumps and 3 people on bike don't go well.

In Kolkata, it was fairly rat free for the entire stay. Until the LAST night. I came this close to jumping sreaming and everything that equals I'M-GOING-TO-DIE.

We have a secret language between us. It involves 5 fingers opening and closing like a bird beak. Meaning - HAGGLE. Especially with taxi men who want to charge you 10 rupees more than the agreed price.

If you want to feel safe in India, or at least Chennai, go to the cinema. In the cinema, you remove the battery from your camera, your water bottle label gets snipped off and they actually go through the contents of your bag rather than take a quick look. Forget about airport-is-safe. In the ladies line at security, you go to a secured booth to get searched, your boarding pass gets a stamp, you need stamped tags on your bags but... when at the gate, if your tag has the wrong date and the male security guard stops you, all you say is "We were at the LADIES LINE" and all is forgiven. So, cinema trumps airport.

If you want to volunteer at the Missionaries of Charity in Kolkata, be sure to have changed diapers at least once in your life before. It comes in handy when you are asked to change many diapers one after another. You also will not apologise to the poor baby who would have to endure your poor skills.

If you ever do decide India is a place to visit, be sure to bring along a million copies of your passport. This is what they require at internet places, phone places and maybe even toilets? Maybe.

If you get a toilet roll that is a tenth of your normal sized one. DO NOT FRET! The person who handed it to you did not take it out of his/her own toilet.

And when all else fails, just remember and keep repeating to yourself. T.I.I

THIS IS INDIA!!!